Communication Styles 101

Do you have that ONE (maybe more) coworker that when you see their name in an email, direct message, or meeting invite you instantly tense up. 

Been there!

My most tense relationships at work have been ones where:

1. There isn’t trust
2. Communication styles clashed

I covered trust last week but equally as important is how we communicate with each other at work. 

Why?

Because effective communication is the backbone of any successful company. 

🦴THE BACKBONE Y’ALL. 🦴

Communication impacts everything from the day to day to long term strategic goals. 

Other things communication impacts: 

• Productivity 
• Engagement
• Conflict resolution 
• Team, manager, leader effectiveness 
• Organizational adaptability 

The list goes on, effective communication enables it ALL. 

Don’t believe me? 

Here’s a fun stat: 15% of work time is wasted on inefficient communication. 

Have a problem at your organization? If I was a betting woman, and we know I’m not, I’d put most of the money down that it’s a communication problem. 

So today, I’m starting with breaking down common communication styles we see at work. 

3 common styles of communication: 

• Aggressive (ew)
• Assertive
• Passive 

Let’s dig into each one’s core characteristics and explore how it impacts relationships at work. 

❤️To note: there are various factors that impact an individual’s communication style such as personal, organizational, environmental. When reading about the styles below, filtering through those factors can help you analyze what is at play. 

Aggressive: 

I’ve encountered my fair share of people who default to the aggressive communication style. More than any one probably ever wants to! 

Let me just say, they’re not my favorite. 

And the working relationship tended to be more tense. 

Those who default to this style may have the following characteristics: 

✅ Dominate: they’re controlling convos, interrupting others and imposing their views. Some may describe them as confrontational. 

✅ Critical: they’re criticizing but not in a helpful way and tend to use accusatory language. Accusatory language usually starts with a “you” so if you’re hearing a lot of phrases like “you always this” or “you never that” know that it’s accusatory! 

✅ Uncompromising: they’re making demands, not requests and tend to be unwilling to hear another perspective or compromise. My mother would call that being stubborn & silly. 

✅ Lack of empathy: they have little concern for others perspective, feelings, or opinions and usually put their needs first. Sounds a bit selfish, no? 

When reading this did a particular name or face pop into your head?

Maybe you know an aggressive communicator, she whispers. 

If you didn’t jump instantly to someone here are some additional things to keep an eye out for:

• A team seeming too scared to speak up 
• Employees not wanting to push back on certain people 
• A high level of conflict between individuals or teams
• Employees mentioning they don’t feel respected by certain folks
• Meetings that don’t seem collaborative 
• A general hesitation to work with someone 

It can be hard to come up against folks who communicate like this. 

Spoiler alert: aggressive communicators can have a damaging effect on relationships at work & general culture. 

📣If you’re dealing 1:1 with an aggressive communicator:

• Try to stay composed
• Set boundaries (ex: please let me finish my thoughts before interrupting) 
• Solicit feedback from employees, managers or other leaders to share 
• Be prepared to take more serious actions 
• Stand your ground – be assertive! 

If you’re wondering how to be more assertive, let’s look at another communication style – an assertive one!

Assertive:

I think the opposite of aggressive might be assertive? Idk, maybe??

I love dealing with folks who deploy this communication style. 

The working relationship tends to be stronger &  more respectful. 

You can spot an assertive communicator because they are usually:

✅Clear: They’re able to articulate their thoughts, feelings and opinions in a straightforward manner. You’re not leaving with more questions than answers after a convo! You walk away thinking, I know what to do next. 

✅Direct: they’re addressing issues and expressing their viewpoints. They’re not letting things fester and trying to evade a convo. When a situation occurs they are usually quick to give feedback and don’t try that feedback sandwich technique. 

✅Respectful: they’re sharing their opinions and needs while understanding and respecting your opinions and needs. They listen and they acknowledge others’ perspectives. HOW NOVEL!!!

Assertive communication can lead to:

• Excellent team collaboration 
• Better conflict resolution 
• High performance 

If you have a really great leader at your organization, I bet this is their default communication style. 

For HR, working with assertive communicators is pretty dreamy. I wish more people had this as their default style. 

Passive: 

Somewhere in between aggressive and assertive is passive.

Passive communicators are fascinating to me. I think you’ll understand why when I share some of their characteristics: 

✅ Conflict avoidant: they’re trying to avoid confrontation and tend to agree with others to keep the peace. That leads to others’ needs being prioritized over theirs. When you avoid conflict, issues tend to not actually go away and resentment can quickly build. 

A note on conflict: conflict is beautiful but folks have to feel safe speaking up. Don’t instantly assume someone is passive, there could be more at play here. 

✅ Lack of assertiveness: they’re unable to articulate their desires, needs, or opinions. You might leave a convo more confused or unclear about what actually needs to be done. Sometimes the whole convo can feel like speaking in circles. 

✅Apologetic or self deprecating language: they’re constantly apologizing, downplay their abilities and contributions or making self deprecating jokes. Others may have the wrong perception of this person or their abilities. 

A note on apologizing: I had a coworker tell me years ago that I said “I’m sorry” too much. He kept telling me that I had nothing to apologize for and by constantly doing so made me seem like I wasn’t confident. I decided to try apologizing less and years later I still think about that story as an inflection point that helped me become a more assertive communicator. 

Passive communication can impact relationships by: 

• Unclear expectations shared & set leading to miscommunication 
• Festing resentment which can lead to frustration 
• Reduced trust among the team – it’s hard to build trust with folks who can’t be honest about their needs or opinions 
• Poor conflict resolution – how can you resolve a conflict with a conflict avoidant person? Cough it feels impossible cough 

See why I find them fascinating now?? Maybe just me… 

📣If you’re dealing 1:1 with a passive communicator:

• Be patient! 
• Share that you’re looking for their input and in advance any context they may need to give input. 
• Try to create a safe space for them – ask what they need to be comfortable sharing feedback. 
• Positive reinforcement does wonders – praise and thank them for expressing their opinions. 

Maybe a passive communicator is just looking for the nudge, feedback and safety to become an assertive communicator. 

📚Additional Reading:

• Passive Communication & How to Handle It

The most important things to communicate ABOUT: 

How you communicate is equally as important as WHAT you communicate. 

Next week I’m getting saucy. 

I’m talking about all the things HR could be afraid to talk about from departures to org changes. 

And why you shouldn’t be afraid.