Your most important relationship…

IS THE ONE YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF. 

Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you… but I feel really strongly about this. 

The relationship you have with yourself sets the foundation for everything in your life and, you guessed it, WORK. 

❤️Developing a good relationship with yourself starts with having self-awareness. 

Self awareness will help you understand your:

• Values
• Emotions 
• Beliefs 
• Strengths 
• Weakness 
• Bias

When you have self awareness you can show up more authentically and better build trust with others. 

TBH: Having self-awareness working in HR is crucial.  

We’re called on to make hard decisions, navigate conflicts, manage interpersonal dynamics of teams and entire organizations, and help create inclusive environments where everyone feels valued and respected. 

If you’re not in tune with yourself all that can feel impossible to manage. 

When you understand your emotions and your triggers you can:

✅Better handle difficult situations

✅Have hard conversations

✅Provide constructive feedback

✅Effectively mitigate any conflict in and equitable and empathic way

^^ That’s an average day in HR!!! No one should be confused about why I say this is the hardest job… 

Self-awareness is the foundation to a good relationship with yourself but self-compassion and self-care are crucial to making sure your relationship thrives. 

Let’s dig into all 3 and grab some paper because I have some things I’m going to ask you to jot down! 

Self-awareness: 

“To thine own self be true” – Polonius. While Polonius displayed kinda ick behavior and was def a hypocrite, his advice remains pretty sound. It remains one of my favorite quotes from Shakespeare!

My takeaway: live by your values. 

Your values can guide your actions and decisions, in life AND work. 

 But, what if you don’t know your values?

✍️Here’s what to do: (this is why I said grab some paper) 

✅ Step 1: Reflect: think about pivotal moments in your life that potentially shaped who you are today. 

Tip: Struggling to come up with some moments? Think about times you felt happy, proud, angry, fulfilled or challenged.  

For each moment write down: 

• Why does this moment stand out?
• How did you feel in that moment? 
• What mattered most in that moment? (how you felt, the outcome, etc) 
• What do you wish was different about that moment?
• Why did this moment resonate with you? 

✅ Step 2: Identify themes: What are some themes that came up from your pivotal moments? What patterns can you see?

To do: Make a list of values that you feel are central to who you are. 

Some examples: honesty, growth, independence, respect, creativity, integrity, adventure

Write as many as you want down! 

✅ Step 3: Prioritize your top 3-5: Time to rank your list.

Think about:

• What feels CORE to you?
• Do the values you picked reflect your daily actions?
• Do you feel fulfilled when living the value?

My top 3: Gratitude, honesty and curiosity. 

Vulnerable moment: (TW: death) 

Two moments I’ll never forget were losing my dad and my brother. I was so profoundly sad about losing two people who meant so much to me. To work through my grief, I started actively practicing gratitude. When feeling sad I tried to remember the moments I had with them and be grateful for all the memories I had to choose from. What I found by cherishing my memories was that I began to cherish my daily interactions more and then I started feeling immense gratitude for every opportunity, every moment I had. I never want to take a second for granted.

How this shows up at work: I become even more empathic, supportive and appreciative of those around me. I also found myself inspired by every opportunity, every chance to try something new. It turns out folks who practice gratitude are also happier, just food for thought! 

When thinking about that moment, how I showed up daily and what was core to me it was clear gratitude had to make my list. 

Stories about honesty and curiosity for another day, I promise! 

Values are just one way to help increase your self-awareness, there are other practices out there that might be better suited for you, like:

• Self-reflection: Journaling is a great practice here! 
• Mindfulness
• Feedback from others 
• Personality assessments: take them with a grain of salt! Do your research on the ones that are based on science! 
• Therapy and/or coaching 

The bottom line: self-awareness is key and will help you realize so much about yourself AND how you show up in life and work. 

Self-compassion:

Real talk: are you nice to yourself when facing difficult times and situations?

Think about what you tell yourself in your head when things get tough. Are you hard on yourself? Incredibly critical? Do you say negative things about your abilities? 

(Not so) Fun fact: when things go wrong, self-criticism is often our first reaction. 

But that constant negative self-criticism actually puts stress on your body AND mind and long term stress can contribute to anxiety and depression. 

What can help? Self-compassion. 

Being compassionate with yourself can make you feel safe and cared for while helping regulate that stress response. 

2 ways to show self-compassion: 

❤️Show yourself kindness: practicing positive self-talk can be powerful here. 

Some examples: 

Instead of saying “I’m stupid, I made a mistake” ➡️ “I made a mistake, it’s okay, everyone makes them and I’ll learn from this one.”

Instead of saying “I cannot do this, it’s too hard” ” ➡️ “I will give this my best shot and try” 

❤️Accept imperfections: no one is perfect. There is something super powerful about recognizing AND accepting your imperfections without judgment. 

Spoiler alert: In HR things sometimes don’t go perfectly according to plan. 

TBH Should be our motto! 

Why? Because humans are unpredictable and you can build the most perfect recruiting, performance, or whatever process and the second employees get involved things can go off track. 

And guess what?? IT’S OKAY. Because no one is perfect. 

But the pressure of letting down employees is SO REAL for us.  

When things go off track, here’s what I do: I remind myself that perfect is an impossible standard and every opportunity is a chance to learn. 

Pro-tip: bring the employees on the journey with you! Be transparent that if you’re doing something for the first time and realize there will be a lot to learn and mistakes will be made. Together, you will make it better. 

BTW: When you show yourself self-compassion you can actually set the example for others around you to do the same. And the impact that can have on an entire organization… super freaking powerful. (Like you). 

❤️An important note: On the journey of life you may encounter times where you need the help of a professional. If you are experiencing an increase of negative self-talk or struggling in other ways it may be time to talk to someone. 

Self-care:

Self care looks different for each person! 

But it comes down to taking care of yourself by doing things that support your wellbeing.

There are actually 7 types of self-care:

• Emotional 
• Mental 
• Physical
• Social 
• Spiritual 
• Professional 
• Financial 

I’ve already mentioned a few things that you could consider emotional self-care like building self-awareness and self-compassion. 

💆🏾‍♀️My self-care routine is ROBUST. 

Why? Because if I can’t take care of myself  – how can I show up to work and effectively do the HR job?

Cough I can’t cough. 

This job can be emotionally taxing and incredibly stressful. 

You have to take care of yourself first. 

How can you do that?

You need to listen to your mind and body and address what you need and set your boundaries! 

If you’re constantly skipping meals due to meetings, working late, not sleeping well, feeling low energy, high stress… it may be time for something to change. 

Here are some examples of what to do for different forms of self-care. 

✍️ Homework: Yes, I’m allowed to assign you homework. Do ONE self-care thing this week. 

✅To hold yourself accountable: feel free to reply to this email and tell me what you’re doing. 

BTW: you don’t just do self-care one time and all is great. You need to build the practice of self-care into your life. 

Your body, relationships and work WILL improve. Trust me. 

My fave form of self-care…

Embracing creativity has been a form of self-care for me for as long as I can remember. 

So next week I’m dropping a ✨special edition✨ about how to embrace creativity in work and life. 

I might also share my go-to creativity creating playlist. 

It’ll make sense next week, I promise!