Let’s get one thing straight: HR is not for the weak of heart.
It’s a battlefield where common sense goes to die, and you (yes, YOU) are the unlucky soul holding the whistle when the game needs a timeout.
Today, we’re airing out the HR confessions that’ll make you laugh, cry, and maybe even reconsider your life choices!
📞 We collected these at Transform and figured it was now time to spill the tea!!!!
Read below for a recap of each confession and how I would handle it! And if you’re feeling curious you can also LISTEN to the confession. Proceed with caution, some of these are def NSFW.
Will you be terrified? Yes. But will you be entertained? Also yes.
From chair-throwing executives to employees who think HR is their personal dating concierge, these stories prove that no training module can prepare you for the absolute circus of human behavior.
Buckle up, because I’ve got a few doozies for ya!
Confession #1: “I Dodged a Chair (and Still Fired the Guy Who Threw It)”
📣 When Executive terminations go full WWE
Picture this: You’re firing a high-level exec (already tense), and instead of a dignified exit, this grown ass adult launches a CHAIR at your head!!
Glass shatters. For one glorious second, the conference room looks like a deleted scene from The Godfather.
HR instincts kick in.
You duck, dust yourself off, and deliver the most polite “You’re still fired” in history before escorting him out.
The air’s already thick with that special blend of ego and entitlement that only comes from someone who’s never heard “no” before!
How I’d Handle It:
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- Safety first, paperwork second. Chair-throwing = immediate security call. No “let’s talk this out.” The millisecond furniture becomes airborne, this is no longer an HR issue, it’s a security issue.
- Document like your career depends on it (because it does). Every detail, every witness, every shard of glass. Timestamps. Witness quotes. Photos of the crime scene. Screenshot his LinkedIn “leadership philosophy” post for ironic contrast.
- Post-incident therapy. Because somewhere between the chair throw and writing the incident report, you’ll probably say to yourself, “I’m not paid enough for this shit.”
So if your offboarding plan doesn’t include a “what if they throw a chair at me,” it might be worth an update.
But in all seriousness, every onboarding plan should have a contingency “what to do if this goes wrong” section.
Confession #2: “I Had to Say ‘No, You Can’t Bang Your Boss’”
📣 When HR gets drafted as your workplace Tinder moderator
🎥 Let me set the scene for this absolute travesty:
You’re sitting in your office, minding your business, when an employee waltzes in like they’re about to ask for a stapler.
But nah. This bold, clueless individual actually leans in and says, with their whole chest:
“So…hypothetically…how would I go about asking my boss to hook up during our 1:1s?”
First comes the silence.
That beautiful, horrifying moment where your brain short-circuits because surely you misheard. RIGHT?!!
Then comes the slow, dawning horror as you realize:
- This isn’t a joke
- They genuinely think this is an appropriate HR inquiry
- You now have to explain why you can’t f%^& your boss like it’s Ethics 101
The audacity lives rent-free in my head!
Like, what possessed you to think HR, the department that requires training on sexual harassment, would greenlight your workplace rom-com fantasy?
How I’d Handle It:
- Nuclear shutdown protocol. No “let’s explore why this is inappropriate.” Just immediate: “That would be sexual harassment and grounds for termination.” Full stop. Mic drop.
- Investigation mode activated. If they’re this bold with HR, imagine what’s already happened! Time to investigate… maybe interview the manager or check with any peers that this type of behavior hasn’t been happening without your knowledge. Potentially assume the worst, hope for the best.
- Document the hell out of it. What did you learn in your investigation? Who needs to know this is happening? What is your company’s policy on this behavior? What does it say in your handbook? How does one move forward from this situation? You should know the answer to these questions and make sure it’s ALL documented.
- Scorched-earth training. If your sexual harassment training program hasn’t been updated like ever, nows the time. Mandatory, interactive, with real-world WTF examples like this one. Ensure you track attendance at live sessions and completion for online training.
If your culture has people thinking HR is Match.com for the org chart… You’ve probably got bigger problems than one horny idiot.
And to the employee in question: TINDER IS FREE. A 1:1 is not the place to shoot your shot!
Confession #3: “The Candidate Brought a Knife to the Interview”
📣 Talent acquisition’s worst icebreaker
Imagine being halfway through what seems like a normal interview for a sales position.
The candidate’s resume looked decent, they answered the “tell me about a time you overcame an objection” question without nonsense, and you were just starting to think maybe, just maybe, this might be a good potential match for the role.
Then, this absolute legend reaches into his pocket.
At first, you think maybe he’s going for a pen. Or his phone. Maybe even breath mints.
But nope, the candidate pulls out a POCKET KNIFE and starts flipping it around like he’s auditioning for the next John Wick movie!!
The room goes dead silent except for the *swish-swish* of the blade.
The most disturbing part?
The way he just keeps casually playing with it while maintaining eye contact, like this is completely normal behavior.
Like people bring knives to job interviews every Tuesday!!
Like he’s waiting for you to be impressed by his multitasking abilities.
WHY!!!!!!!
How I’d Handle It:
- Abort the mission immediately. Not “wrap up gracefully.” Not “redirect the conversation.” Full stop: “This interview is over. Please leave.” (Bonus points if you have security escort him out while blaring “Bad to the Bone” over the office speakers.)
- Blacklist like your career depends on it. Flag this candidate in every system you’ve got. ATS, CRM, the shared Google Doc of “Never Hire These People.” Future HR teams will thank you.
- Conduct a full security audit. If Mr. Stabby made it to an interview with a weapon, your screening process has more holes than his last victim.
- Trauma debrief with your team, because watching someone play knife games in a professional setting is the kind of shit that makes you question your entire career path.
To the candidate: She probably said “cutthroat sales environment,” not “literally bring cutting tools.” 🔪✋
HR Shouldn’t Be a Horror Story (But Here We Are)
You know what the biggest WTF in corporate America is?
It’s that we still treat HR like a reactive cleanup crew instead of giving them the tools to prevent disasters in the first place!
The reality is that none of that stops a chair from flying at your head, an employee from treating the office like Tinder, or a candidate from playing with a knife during an interview.
You’re out here playing Whack-a-Mole with workplace insanity while leadership pats you on the head and says, “Just fix it.”
But here’s the truth: You can’t “fix” systemic dysfunction with Post-it notes and goodwill!
You need systems that don’t just document the chaos—they prevent it.
And no, your dusty old HRIS from 2012 that still runs on Internet Explorer doesn’t count!
HiBob will help you with all of this, because if you’re still:
😴 Manually tracking terminations in a Google Sheet
💀 Hoping employees magically remember harassment policies
🔪 Letting randos waltz into interviews armed like they’re in The Purge
…then you’re not doing HR. You’re playing The Sims on hard mode, and your employees are the ones drowning because you forgot to build a ladder.
HiBob isn’t just here for the vibes. It’s here to stop the 🐂 💩 before it starts!
Take a look and see how HiBob can prevent you from racking up your own horror stories.
XOXO,
Hebba “Hopefully Not Getting Stabbed Today” Youssef
