Are you afraid of these conversations at work?

If you saw this image and instantly heard creepy children’s laughter… you’re not alone. 

Because, same. 

Are You Afraid of the Dark is a core memory of my childhood. I was terrified to watch these stories but at the same time I couldn’t look away! 

Some days at work can feel like an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark… where you encounter things that simply terrify you. 

Starting with some particularly tricky conversations. 

Navigating some of these conversations can be tough due to:

• Emotional reactions
• Fear of conflict (more on this next week!) 
• Vulnerability 
• Risk of misunderstanding 
• Power dynamics
• Different perspectives 
• Unclear consequences 
• Lack of emotional intelligence (its widespread, trust me)
• Complexity 

Sometimes all of those are at play in ONE convo. 

Been there!

Let’s look at 3 conversations that you may be afraid to have. 

🔮Submitted for the approval of the I Hate it Here society, I give you: 

• The Tale of the Favoritism Phantom 
• The Tale of the Toxic Talent 
• The Tale of the Depleted Spirit

Imagine me ✨ sprinkling dust and fire burns brighter ✨. IYKYK

The Tale of the Favoritism Phantom: 

Favoritism is a silent killer of culture. 

Why silent? Because favoritism can be quite subtle and hard to pinpoint. But that doesn’t stop it from having a massive impact on culture from things like satisfaction, morale, trust and equity. 

I think that’s what stops most employees from coming to HR about it and what makes this conversation one that is feared by some. 

🔍 Favoritism in the workplace can look like:

• Unequal opportunities 
• Bias in recognition
• Bias in feedback 
• Special privileges (why can they behave like that but I can’t?) 
• Inconsistent enforcement of policies 

👂 If you’re hearing things from your employees like:

• Why is this person recognized more than others?
• Why can this person behave differently than others?
• Why does this person not have to attend the same meetings?
• Why does this person get resources and others don’t?
• Why does this person get special privileges around working hours but I don’t? 
• This person always gets chosen for special projects. 
• This person can behave like that because they’re friends with someone in leadership. 

👻You may have a bad case of a favoritism phantom. 👻

To address this issue – here’s what you need to do: 

1. Identify the issue: be on the lookout for patterns. Look across performance reviews, recognition systems, promotions, or work/resource assignments.

2. Identify your key players: is this coming from certain people? Who are they and what is your relationship with them? How can you best deliver this feedback and have the conversation. 

3. Put together your talking points: prep is key here. Whenever I know I’m going to have a particularly tricky convo, I’m scripting myself. 

If you need a template – here’s a script you can use:

I wanted to set aside some time with you to discuss something that’s come to my attention recently. Some of our team has shared that they feel that recognition is being disproportionately given a select few folks. 

I’ve looked across our recognition system and have observed a pattern that confirms what they have shared. 

I know you believe that everyone should be recognized and celebrated for their contributions so I believed it was important to bring this to your attention. I know you wouldn’t want anyone to believe that there is favoritism on the team or at the company. 

In the future when giving out recognition just be mindful of acknowledging the work across the entire team. 

Why I suggest this approach: ultimately, approaching the situation with positive intent leads to better outcomes. The quickest way to damage the relationship is to assume something nefarious is at play here. 

BTW: unconscious bias contributes to favoritism and some leaders may not even realize that they are doing this. 

Pro-tip: HR doesn’t always have to have the convo! If the situation involves a manager potentially having their leader approach the convo and not involve HR could lead to a better outcome. 

📚Additional Reading:

• Why Is Talking About Unfair Treatment in the Workplace So Tough?

The Tale of Toxic Talent: 

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by a toxic coworker. 

🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️

Toxic talent is another tricky convo that many folks are afraid to have in the workplace. 

Why?

Because sometimes that toxic talent also tends to be someone deemed a “high performer” that has a “big impact” on the organization. 

Yeah, a big ole BAD impact!!!

I’ve seen the brilliant asshole archetype too many times to count. 

One time, I had a talented toxic salesperson in an org. Despite many many many complaints about them ranging from your run of the mill rudeness to deeper issues like making multiple people feel psychologically unsafe they kept their job. 

Why? Because they were bringing in revenue. 

I know, you’re wondering how did it end?? With me leaving the org first is all I’ll say. 

💡Here’s the thing about toxic talent: they’re usually smart and put themselves in positions where they’re indispensable. Cough like being top revenue drivers cough. 

So, then your conversation gets even more tricky because your business may rely on that person. And many leaders will feel forced to look the other way… 

But toxic talent impacts morale, retention, collaboration, teamwork and org culture. 

🗺️To navigate that convo: 

1. Come with receipts. Showing examples of how the employee is behaving is key. The more examples the better! 

2. Talk about the impact. Not just of the employee but of the leader. What type of leader wants to condone that behavior? That talent is the reflection of the leader! Sometimes leaders need to hear that their reputation is also on the line. 

3. Make the consequences clear. If the behavior is not changed, what will happen? If there aren’t clear consequences then nothing will change. 

Pro-tip: if you are trapped in the “but they contribute so much to the business” conversation, make it clear their immediate impact for the business is helpful but their long term impact will be harmful. Allowing that person to continue behaving like that will have severe long term impacts on the culture and therefore the business. 

🎤 DROP MIC. 

The Tale of the Depleted Spirit:  

TBH: I’m really tired some days, some may even say my spirit is depleted. LOL. 

I think one of the hardest conversations to have at work is the one where you admit that you are approaching a breaking point. 

There’s been so much talk about burnout, that I find myself casually joking about being burned out. 

But, it’s not a joke. It’s very serious. And it’s having a widespread impact on our industry. 

Here are some signs of burnout: 

• A feeling of tiredness that doesn’t improve with sleep (see Syd above),
• Constant colds or other immune system problems
• Feeling overwhelmed constantly
• Stressed or unable to cope
• Irritability, frustration and cynical towards the work. 
• Withdrawing from social situations, pulling away from coworkers
• Procrastination 
• Loss of enthusiasm
• Sense of ineffectiveness 

If you find yourself experiencing these and maybe more it might be time to stop and ask yourself what is going on AND to ask for help. 

BTW: PTO isn’t going to magically cure your burnout. 

What will: having a manageable workload, clear boundaries, and a good work environment. 

If you are afraid to have this conversation with your manager, I’d start there. 

What is driving that fear? A shitty manager? Lack of empathy? 

In that case I would seek out additional resources from either your team, another leader who can intervene or company resources. 

If you have a manager who is willing to listen, addressing the burnout from a workload perspective will have a great impact on your day to day. 

Real talk: You can’t do everything really well. Realistically you can do 1 to 2 things really well and that will have a greater impact on your organization. Look at your list, what doesn’t really make a an impact? Push those tasks, projects, or goals to another quarter. 

You got this. 

📚Additional Reading:

• Feeling Overwhelmed at Work

The Tale of Corporate Conflict: 

^^ Most people in corporate America. 

This entire quarter I’m focusing on relationships at work and what makes them complicated and sometimes tricky to navigate. 

I can’t talk about that without covering the role of conflict. 

I’m so excited for the next few weeks because I loooove conflict. 

I think it can be healthy and super helpful. 

But, I might be in the minority? 

Stay tuned for next week!