The key to good relationships at work…

Over the past few weeks I’ve been talking about what makes strong relationships at work. 

I’ve covered the role of trust and how communication impacts relationships but there’s something else that can make relationships super strong. 

✨And that’s empathy.  ✨

In the last few years empathy has been experiencing its glow up moment and has become more widely talked about as we’ve collectively navigated a global pandemic. 

Before we get into the role empathy plays in strong relationships, a definition. My favorite!

Empathy: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.

Think of your weakest relationship at work. Why is it weak? Do you feel like they just don’t understand you or where you’re coming from?

Maybe it’s an empathy issue… 

Empathy can be so powerful to building great relationships because it:  

• Builds trust: When people feel understood they are more likely to trust the person leading to better collaboration and sense of belonging. 
• Improves communication. People who understand each other’s perspectives actually have better and more compassionate communication AND  less misunderstandings!
• Supports conflict resolution: People who take into consideration the perspective and viewpoints of others can effectively navigate conflict without further harming the relationship. 

Let’s go a bit deeper into the 2 types of empathy. 

Empathy 101:

You know I love stepping into teacher mode, so here are some things we should know about empathy. 

When we think of empathy a lot of folks will say, it’s putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. 

Yes, and… 

There are actually 2 types of empathy: cognitive and emotional. 

And by understanding each and how to balance them, that’s the secret key to empathy in relationships.

🧠 Cognitive empathy: Understanding the other person’s perspective. The shoe analogy!

Essentially, you imagine what it could be like to be that person in that situation, 

An example: an employee doesn’t get the internal role they were interviewing for on a different team. We imagine the employee is disappointed, probably confused and let down. 

This is different from your perspective where you may know the employee is talented and skilled at what they do but not right for this particular team or role. 

❤️Emotional empathy: when you feel another person’s emotions. 

Examples: your partner is stressed at work and you begin to also feel stressed or a friend is upbeat and excited and you find yourself also experiencing a sense of excitement. 

It becomes a shared emotional experience. 

Emotional empathy can be broken down to 3 parts:

1. Feeling the same emotion as the other person 
2. Feeling our own distress in response to the pain they’re feeling 
3. Feeling compassion 

Fun fact: studies have shown that there is a positive correlation between willingness to help others and emotional empathy. FASCINATING!!

📋 To recap: 

Cognitive empathy is more around taking in someone’s perspective, understanding their feelings, and imagining what it’s like to be in that situation. 

Emotional empathy is more around sharing an emotional experience, feeling the suffering in response to someone’s pain, and experiencing a willingness to help the person. 

Most researchers list cognitive and emotional as the two main types of empathy. 

But there’s a 3rd that is sometimes talked about: compassionate empathy. If you’re loving this section that might be fun for you to explore more! 

Now, empathy sounds lovely and something we could all benefit from, so how can HR increase empathy in their organization?

I have some ideas… 

Increasing empathy in your organization: 

There are a lot of factors that go into someone able to practice empathy, like: 

• How you were brought up (ignore them) 
• How you were treated when you had emotional needs (calm down) 
• What you were taught about emotions 
• Messages you heard about emotions and their value (suppress them) 
• Fear of being overwhelmed (been there) 

Now layer that on with our role as HR – we’re trying to balance our empathy with the business. 

Real talk: Sometimes it can seem easier not to feel but that isn’t a sustainable approach for you or the employees. 

So what can HR do to foster empathy in an organization? I have 1 BIG tip! 

Teach active listening skills. I cannot stress this enough: active listening is CRUCIAL for empathy. 

We’re so distracted by the emails, slack messages, texts and social media that for the average person listening can actually be quite hard. We’re in the attention economy where everything is battling for our attention including our teammates. It’s like we’ve forgotten how to listen… but how else can we understand each other and build empathy? 

Active listening looks like:  

• Focusing on the person speaking 
• Minimizing distractions
• Asking clarifying questions 

My favorite clarifying questions:

• Can you share more about what that means?
• Help me understand what you mean by that?
• Can you share a few examples of what you’re describing?
• Can you tell me more about why you felt that way?
• Can you expand on that specific point a bit more?
• Help me understand what led you to that conclusion?
• If I’m hearing you correctly, your main concern is XYZ – is that right?
• What do you think the next steps should be?

Listening increases empathy by:

• Deepens understanding
• Builds trust 
• Reduces miscommunication 

Train your managers on active listening!!! Please!!! Do it!!! 

And if your org doesn’t struggle with active listening (it probably does) I have compiled other tips in the additional reading section below. 

📚Additional Reading:

• How To Be Empathetic in the Workplace in 7 Steps
• 20 Great Ways to Show Empathy at Work 
• The Value of Empathy at Work

The most important relationship out there… 

Is the one you have with yourself. 

I bet you’ve heard that before… 

But what does that actually mean? And how does it show up in your relationships at work? 

Next week you’re in for a treat, because we’re going introspective.