Protecting your mental health 

How many times has someone asked you the question how are you doing?

And you’ve replied with, “I’m fine” despite not being fine?

I’ll go first, uh probably 1 million times give or take. 

If I were to give my real answer to that question this week (and some others) I’d say NOT WELL. 

There’s this thing we do in HR – we tend to put everyone before we put ourselves. 

We’re selfless like that. Maybe to a fault… 

In the pandemic I watched HR folks rise up, take on more responsibilities than ever before, navigate a rapid change to remote work, set up safety protocols for a pandemic, and support employees through the most uncertain and difficult times we’ve ever faced. 

Throughout that time I read article after article about how burned out HR is and heard the advice to “put on my oxygen mask first.”

Motion to never hear or use that phrase again?? K COOL.  

But, still despite hearing that advice a lot of us pushed forward and pushed ourselves into uncharted territory of record high stress and burn out. 

Guilty! At one point during the pandemic my arms would go numb from typing for so long. I had to see several doctors and one suggested that I quit my job. 

TBH: I’ve heard “I’m burned out” from almost every HR person I know. 

I’ll say it until I’m blue in the face, this job is taxing in so many ways. 

Especially on a week like this week. US elections have become very stressful and incredibly divisive. 

Some HR teams have been preparing how to handle this week from removing barriers for employees to do their civic duty to preparing leaders on what to say and do when politics come up. 

Not to mention… HR people are also employees who may feel passionately about elections and candidates. (Me) 

It’s hard to balance what’s at stake and how it makes you feel with how to show up and support everyone else in the workplace.

The best HR teams are the ones who understand how to navigate what’s happening in the world with how it’s going to impact employees. We have to be so mindful. The workplace is a mirror of the real world. You can’t make your workplace a controlled science experiment where things like real world events, privilege, lived experiences, and unconscious bias don’t creep in. It doesn’t work like that. 

And while you’re navigating all of that – who is checking in ON YOU?

Yes, you. 

You are an employee who deserves the same level of thought and care you give everyone else. Even though many employees seem to forget you also experience the same dang things they experience!!!!! 

So, today we’re focusing on how you can take care of yourself and put yourself first. 

Putting yourself first (for once):

^^ or a regular day of work? 🙂 

There’s this misconception I’ve heard about how putting yourself first is selfish. 

IT’S NOT. 

We’re constantly navigating sensitive situations that require empathy, clarity and determination. We HAVE TO be able to make sound decisions, support others and move forward. 

When you’re able to take care of yourself first you can actually show up and better do all of that!!!

We all have bad days, okay? I get it. But when those bad days turn into stretches of time where it feels like you’re underwater every day that should be a sign something should change. 

Here are 3 ways you can put yourself first: 

⏰Set boundaries. I MEAN IT THIS TIME. I’ve given this advice a ton but it really is the best way to put yourself first. The thing is you have to also get really comfortable with informing people when they are breaking your boundaries AND holding yourself accountable when you break them. Double whammy!

Here’s a boundary you can set: your work hours. Set clear hours of working and this week practice following them. Listen, I’ve worked at startups for most of my career, I know how impossible this can feel. But trust me when you do it – things start to feel like you can breathe again. You need those non-working hours to devote to your personal life. Your family, friends, and interests, those things deserve your attention.

🙋🏽‍♀️Find time for yourself. I wrote about how the most important relationship you have is with yourself. If you look at your work calendar and all you see is meetings with other people and no time for yourself, we have a problem. Yes, we because you and I are accountability partners. 

You need ME TIME to recharge! I used to joke that I had to schedule bathroom breaks but TBH that joke is incredibly toxic. I should have time in my schedule to use the bathroom!!!

Today: look at your calendar, identify 1-2 times a day you can schedule YOU TIME. That means you take a break, go for a walk, call a friend, grab a snack, listen to my pod (lol), and simply exist. Constantly running from meeting to meeting, fire to fire, leaves no time to decompress. And you can’t do your best work! 

🤝 Find your people. Who gets what you’re going through better than other HR people? NO ONE!!! Having a group of folks who you confidentially share experiences, ask questions, or even commiserate with can be so relieving. I joke that talking to my HR besties feels like an exorcism some days because I just need to shout about something, get it off my chest and center myself to go handle it. I’m human and so are you! At least until the AI comes for us. JK JK. 

At work everyone looks at us to be calm, cool, collected and handling all the situations that it feels hard to show up at any moment frustrated. 

That’s where I lean on my community. I can show up however I want there and I know they’ll listen, they’ll support me and validate how I’m feeling – because they’ve been where I am. 

📣There are so many exceptional HR communities out there but personally I’m biased because Safe Space is mine. I’m there every day hanging out with my friends, answering questions and spilling the tea in the DMs. It was born from my desire to create a space for HR folks to be themselves because we’re not robots (yet). Come hang and see what the hype is about! 

Practice what you preach:

If you read my tips and thought INCONCEIVABLE we should chat. 

Nothing I suggested was particularly outrageous but I want you to spend some time exploring why that was your reaction. 

✏️HOMEWORK!! ✏️

Occasionally I assign you some to-dos so here are some questions I want you to ask yourself:

1. What specific barriers am I facing in prioritizing my wellbeing at work?

• Food for thought: Is this a “it’s me, hi, i’m the problem it’s me” situation or one where your workplace or direct leader doesn’t allow you to prioritize your wellbeing?

2. Are there leaders or coworkers who practice self-care and setting healthy boundaries?

• A piece of advice: ask them how they do it. If the answer is no one, I am a bit worried for you… 

3. What small changes can I make that align with my wellbeing goals, even within the constraints of my current workplace? 

• Hint: it says SMALL change, come on you can think of at least 1!!! 

No, I will not be collecting the homework!! But I want you to look at your answers and know that there is always something you can do. 

❤️Do me a favor and do something, anything, for yourself this week. 

What’s next: 

This entire quarter I’ve been focused on rethinking things so I’m going to continue on that path and rethink something that drives me a bit nuts. 

HEADCOUNT PLANNING. 

What’s the best way to do it? What should you consider? What should you not do?

All that and more next week! 

TA TA FOR NOW!!