Hi ya party people,

Our short week is almost over, and you’ll be able to hit ⏸️ on your workplace drama for a couple of days!

…Does anybody else enjoy conflict a little bit, or am I just weird???

We’re already a conflict-averse society, but I need to go find 80 books on this because I lowkey like it.

I don't understand what it is—when I'm in the thick of it, I'm like, “this is kinda fun.”

This week’s Q&A is peak conflict energy:

One reader is sweating over how to let someone go without breaking their heart, and another got saddled with “leader” responsibilities but no authority.

Let’s open this can of corporate worms!

Got questions? Submit them here, and they just might end up in a future edition! 👀

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ASK AWAY

☕ bosses & breakupsCopy anchor linkCopied

✍🏽 I have an employee that has turned out to be a not a good fit for the position we hired her for. How do I word letting her go without hurting her feelings?

Context: Small municipal office, village government, company size of 20

📣 Jordan Giddens, Head of People in Operations @ Rice & Kendig:

The first thing I’d ask is – what specifically makes her not a good fit? I only ask because I recently went through almost this exact situation. We hired someone who interviewed so well, but after about 8 weeks – even with tons of one-on-one training, it was clear she just wasn’t grasping our processes. Her manager was losing sleep worrying one mistake could cost us big time.

During this time, I had been coaching her manager on how to carefully document each training and coaching session. That way, it wasn’t about personality or “fit,” it was about clear performance expectations that just weren’t being met.

If you’ve had those conversations and given the right support, and it still isn’t working, then it’s okay to be direct but kind. You can acknowledge the effort while staying clear about the role’s needs. Something like:

“We really appreciate the effort you’ve put in, and we’ve worked together on training and coaching. Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to reach the level of independence and productivity this position requires. For that reason, we’ve made the decision to end your employment here.”

It’s never an easy conversation, but I feel this approach is honest, respectful, and compassionate while keeping the focus on the role’s requirements.

📣 Kimberly Brady, HR Generalist @ HopeTree Family Services: 

I don’t think there’s a way to let someone go without the risk of hurt feelings. Losing a job is hard no matter how it’s framed. What you can do is handle the conversation with honesty, respect, and kindness.

That said, it’s important to make sure termination really is the last resort. Have you given the employee clear feedback, tools, and support to succeed? Have you documented those conversations and any improvement plans? Sometimes, performance issues come down to training gaps, unclear expectations, or mismatched communication styles. Addressing those first shows fairness and gives the employee a chance to turn things around.

If you’ve already exhausted those steps and the role truly isn’t a fit, then keep the conversation short, direct, and compassionate. For example: “We appreciate the effort you’ve put in, but it’s become clear this position isn’t the right fit, so we’ll need to move forward with ending your employment.”

It also helps to acknowledge their contributions and, if possible, offer support such as a reference for a role that better suits their skills or even a severance package if your policies allow. You can’t remove all the sting, but you can make sure the process is handled fairly and with dignity.

 📣 Kim Simons, CFO @ Workhouse Arts Foundation: 

Honestly, there is no way to terminate her without her being hurt. Your job here isn't to protect her feelings but to protect the company by ensuring that the termination is legal and meets all the policies and procedures your company typically follows.

Once you've verified that, keep it short and to the point. She's being let go, this is the date the termination is effective, this is what she's owed in accrued PTO and wages through her termination date, this is when her benefits will end, and this is when and how she'll be notified of her rights under COBRA (a bulleted list is best for this as it will make it easier for her to review at a later time – when she's let go she will be overwhelmed and unable to focus clearly on what you're saying). Discuss severance if she's being offered it.

You are under no legal obligation to disclose why she's being let go, though she's likely to ask why. Be prepared with a legally acceptable but honest answer. Saying she's not a good fit is non-specific and could open a can of worms you don't want opened.

Safe Space members can join this discussion here. Not a member yet? Apply to join here.

✍🏽 What do you do when you're a "leader", but have no actual authority? I was hired to "lead" a group of smart, capable people who do similar work, but are actually supervised by several different folks. But the smart, capable people also are fully cognizant that I am not their supervisor and have no real authority to affect their income – so they tend to tune out. Are there areas/themes I can lean into to help get the group to be more cohesive in their work? Consistency is important for us and the company. And I wouldn't mind a little more respect (people actually attending meetings, responding to inquiries, etc.), but maybe that's very Midwestern of me. Suggestions?

Context: BIG company. 180 offices nationwide. 8000 staff. My little group is about 15 people who all do similar work in the same state – about 6 different types of reports for a variety of clients/agencies. Onboarding can be a little scattershot between supervisors – some get 100%, some get 75%, some get 50% and are expected to learn the rest on the fly. The company is working to do better with on-boarding, but it's slow going and it seems something always gets forgotten in the rush to be chargeable.

📣 Jessica Simmons, VP, HRBP @ ICD: 

When you don’t have formal authority, your influence comes from credibility, trust, and shared purpose. Instead of trying to “manage,” think of yourself as a connector and enabler. You can build influence by showing expertise, being consistent, and adding real value, like creating resources that make everyone’s work easier or proactively solving problems that affect the whole group. People respect leaders who make their lives simpler and demonstrate they’re invested in the team’s success, not just in holding meetings. Over time, credibility and reliability create a kind of authority that’s voluntary, not positional.

You can also unite the team under a common mission that transcends reporting lines. Frame your efforts around what matters to all of you, such as making things more efficient, reducing rework, or reducing "fire drills". When you position yourself as someone helping the group achieve collective wins, people are more likely to engage. Invite collaboration by making meetings about solving shared challenges rather than updates, and highlight team accomplishments publicly to give everyone a sense of shared pride. Influence without authority is about creating alignment, building trust, and shaping an environment where people want to follow, even though they don’t have to.

📣 Mary Pat Jacobs, Certified Professional Coach (CPC) @ Mary Pat Jacobs Coaching + Consulting:

@Jessica Simmons did a lovely job summing this up.

It makes sense you're feeling funky about this dynamic. As you lean on your relationship-building skills in this role, consider how coaching could prove beneficial as a way to foster trust.

How this looks: asking open-ended questions, actively listening, giving your most generous interpretation of the individual/behavior. And sometimes, it's asking the simple questions that can make the greatest impact: what do you want? What's important to you? What do you love about the work you are doing? What's a drag? How can I best support you?

📣 Cheryl Hooker, VP, People & Culture @ Skilken Gold Real Estate Development:

Love the feedback @Mary Pat Jacobs and @Jessica Simmons shared! My only add is that it is OK to share the challenge of your role and to recognize that it is tricky. Sharing that with them 1:1 or as a group and then asking them how you can add value to their work and teams separate from what they get from their direct manager. With them understanding your position and your willingness to get their feedback – could be helpful. Good luck. Not an easy place to be.

Safe Space members can join this discussion here. Not a member yet? Apply to join here.

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🚨 ON YOUR RADAR

🎧 Work wasn’t built for all of us to thrive, especially if you’re neurodivergent. In this episode, I sit down with Tameka Allen to unpack how “professionalism” and other so-called norms can be exclusion in disguise. Check it out on Spotify or Apple Podcasts!

🥴 Is your onboarding a hot mess? Rival has a free checklist that keeps things clean and consistent: pre-boarding emails and system setups, first-day agendas and intros, and a 30/60/90 plan that takes people from “where’s the bathroom?” to real impact! Download it so you can turn new hires into confident contributors, asap!

📕 Sergio Peña recently published “How to Document and Maintain Performance Records in a Remote Workforce” in the Safe Space library. Read it here.

😫 Clunky HR tech keeping you up at night? This month’s HR Therapy is basically a group chat for everyone sick of duct-taping systems together. Come for the horror stories, stay for the game plan to finally make your tools work for you!

🌎 Building cultures that deliver impact not just for employees but for the planet is no easy task. During NYC Climate week I'm taking the stage to talk about this! Join us for this IRL event and see what you can do to make your org and planet a better place! 

✍🏽 Trying to assess where your people strategy stands? This quick pulse check helps you uncover areas of opportunity in your own strategy! 

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📝 RESOURCE OF THE WEEK

Each week I feature a resource I love from the Safe Space library that I believe would be relatable to this week's newsletter topic.

This week’s resource is David Murray’s guide to successfully articulating feedback and expectations during a performance review. Check it out HERE ⬇️

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FRIDAY FUN

📣 make it make sense!!!Copy anchor linkCopied

I've been here far toooo many times. Here's how it can go:

Setting: an internal meeting

HR: That is an issue because XYZ (insert many of the great reasons and data we use when we bring up issues) 

Silence or worse... 

Leader: That's not important right now! 

Another person NOT in HR: says exactly what you just said 

Leader: That is a very big issue!!! We need to solve it ASAP, HR you need to get involved. 

HR: 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

<END SCENE> 

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That's all for this week! I hope you enjoyed! If you have any thoughts, please let me know. I'm allll ears.

Reminder: Today is FRIDAY. 🙏