i need better boundaries
Hiiii,
The end of the year is almost here!! I can’t wait to take some time to reflect and dare I say dream of what’s possible next year??
Also to rest. Because, well, I need it.
I genuinely hate stacking the last month of the year with things but I did. Yes, I regret it.
We’re doing reviews, finalizing budgets and goals, planning a company retreat for Jan and trying to hire a few roles before EOY.
It’s alotttt. Don’t be a Hebba this December and commit to too much!!
Two things to keep on your radar before EOY:
📺 MY FINAL HR Therapy of the year is this week!! Jamie Aitken and I are talking about the future of performance management, why we should maybe give up on the annual review and trends we’ve seen and how to build a better process in 2026 + beyond.
🎧 On the pod this week is my friend Jessie Stettin, and we discuss how workplaces can actually shape you. The good, the bad, the ugly, we get into the impact some workplaces had on us personally, and how to think about the impact your workplace is having on you!
Now, today’s edition is all about boundaries. Something I'm actively working on...
CULTURE
Boundaries, urgency, and protecting your energy:Copy anchor linkCopied
Is it weird that I have kind of a vendetta against urgency??
It’s not that I’m against doing things quickly!! Don’t get me wrong.
I think it's because most workplaces treat things like everything is urgent and then they wonder why everything’s a mess and people are unnecessarily stressed.
You probably know the drill:
❌ Every ping is “ASAP.”
❌ Every project is “critical.”
❌ Every request is somehow “blocking the business.”
UGHHH.
Urgency has become the workplace’s favorite performance enhancer but it's not because things are actually urgent!! In fact, most urgency is made up.
Hear me out…
False urgency can happen because of:
- Poor planning: someone else’s lack of preparation suddenly becomes your emergency.
- No clear priorities: when everything is “urgent,” which means nothing actually is…
- Emotional urgency: loudest voices try to set the pace, you know the CEO who thinks everything needs to get done that week.
- Slack ping panic: “quick question” DMs meant to trigger immediate action instead of offering clarity.
- Leader whiplash: shifting directions and expecting teams to jump into action and pivot.
- Deadline inflation: timelines chosen for convenience or optics, not necessity, but treated like unbreakable commandments.
- ASAP culture: defaulting to speed because no one wants to do the hard work of deciding what’s truly urgent vs. simply loud.
➡️ So how do we combat this false sense of urgency??
Say it with me: BOUNDARIES.
And contrary to what some people (cough your CEO cough) may believe, boundaries aren’t about being less available or not working fast.
Boundaries are about closing the chaos long enough to think, breathe, and protect the energy you need to do your job well. Think of them as a way to dial down everyone else’s noise so you can actually hear yourself again. And get things done, better.
So, if urgency is treated correctly (which we know it's not at your average org) it can actually make the work getting done BETTER.
Let’s take a look at why boundaries can be hard and how to protect yourself to do the work you actually care about.
Why boundaries can feel hard:Copy anchor linkCopied
I hate to break this to you but boundaries are not intuitive for most of us.
It’s not because we’re weak, but because we’ve been trained to operate without them.
We enter the workplace already carrying decades of conditioning:
- HR is socialized to become the emotional shock absorber
- Women are taught to be agreeable, pleasant, endlessly helpful
- Caregivers learn to anticipate needs before they’re spoken
- First-gen professionals over-deliver to survive, not impress
- “Good employees” are rewarded for being always-on and endlessly available
From day one, we are told, either subtly or explicitly, that access equals value.
ICK.
So of course boundaries feel uncomfortable and uncommon!!!! We’ve been rewarded our entire careers for being boundaryless. (Is that a word??)
Plot twist: But being boundaryless is actually starting to break people and your org.
Because work hasn’t gotten lighter, calmer, or more reasonable over the last few years. In fact it’s been quite the opposite.
It got louder. Faster. Kinda of unhinged at times.
So pair that with our lack of boundary setting, and you have a recipe for disaster.
Boundary-setting is how we get any of that energy back and protect our energy moving forward.
Where your energy is going and how to reroute:Copy anchor linkCopied
Is 2026 going to be the year HR gets its groove back?? 💃
Before we can get that groove back we have to know what’s been draining our energy.
Here’s the thing: HR’s exhaustion rarely comes from the work. In fact, I think many of us genuinely enjoy the things we work on. Shocking to believe that reviews excite me…
HR is brought into a lot of invisible work. The stuff that drains your energy long before you even open your laptop or attend a single meeting.
Your energy leaks through things like:
- Absorbing everyone else’s panic (been there too many times!!)
- Being the unofficial therapist, mediator, and translator (we’re usually not qualified)
- Fixing problems people should’ve solved two levels before you (why am I here?)
- Responding instantly because “that’s just how we operate” (the pressure of being ALWAYS ON)
- Constantly reworking priorities because no one else will clarify them
It’s a real tax we pay for being “good” at our jobs.
And boundaries aren’t about saying “no.” Although we all know I love to!!! They’re about getting back the energy you’re unknowingly giving away all day long through those leaks.
When HR leaders set boundaries, we can create new norms inside the org.
Leaders, employees, and managers will look to us and say well if they can do it, so can I!
Because boundaries aren’t just personal. They’re actually cultural.
They teach people:
- How to work with you
- What actually matters
- When you are (and are not) available
- How to solve problems before they hit your desk
- That panic is not a workflow
This is where a shift can begin, not with a big policy, but with the micro-behaviors people see you practice every day.
Okay BUT HOW do you actually do this??
Here are a few scripts to help you, and feel free to share with your managers or train them on how to set expectations while leveraging boundaries. That’s a training everyone could benefit from...
🚦 The Re-Route: “Who is the right person to own this?
You’re not the org’s emotional 911. Sometimes HR doesn’t need to own something!
⚠️ The Priority Check: “I want to give this attention so which of my current priorities should be bumped?”
This forces clarity and sets clear priorities and removes the chaos.
🪟 The Response Window: “My standard response time is 24 hours unless it’s escalated through X channel.”
This helps people stop expecting instant access.
🌀 The Calm Containment: “I hear the urgency, but let’s anchor in facts before we react.”
Your calm becomes contagious and keeps others calm.
🍂 The Scope Guardian: “That falls outside of HR’s role. Here’s what we can support instead.”
Reduces the unspoken emotional labor tax. We are not your therapist, we are your HR team!!!!
🪞 The Self-Ownership Hint: “What have you already tried?”
Teaches people to solve before escalating and helps them hold a mirror up to their actions.
When HR, leaders, managers and even employees use these consistently, the organization starts to operate at a different frequency.
🪫 A frequency that protects energy, respects capacity, and dramatically reduces reactivity.
The bottom line:
✅ Boundaries don’t slow you down; they keep you steady and moving things forward effectively.
✅ They don’t limit your impact; they actually preserve your ability to make one.
✅ They don’t make you difficult, they make work sustainable.
What’s next:Copy anchor linkCopied
Ahhh what a thrilling edition on boundaries, something I still struggle with!!
Another thing I deeply struggle with? Rest…
So next week we’re covering what rest actually means, the role of PTO in it all and how to prepare yourself for next year and not burn out in the process.
Until then!!!!
(HUMAN) RESOURCES
- The $11.5M dollar SHRM verdict
- Work life balance vs Work life harmony - words from Shopify president
- Edu department asks fired employees to temporarily return
Go1 turns AI hype into a real, useful learning strategy*
- AI’s rise sparks job worries
*This one is brought to you by one of my amazing brand partners
WORK-LIFE BALANCE
- 📚 What I’m reading: The No-Show by Beth O’Leary. I think I've read almost everything this author has released and she just has a way with words and stories. It’s a closed door romance meaning any action doesn’t happen on the page. The romance wasn’t the main appeal to me of this story though it was the portrayal of grief and handling of certain life moments.
- 📺 What I’m watching: Dijon’s SNL performnace. To date I've plugged his music or tracks he's featured on a total of 5 times. I was set to see him in Maryland this past week but he had to cancel to do SNL. I’m anxiously awaiting the day I get to see him live. Higher was one of my played songs this year and I am obsessed with the layers of this song. Every time I listen I swear I discover something new to love about this song.
- 👩🍳 What I’m baking: It’s coooookie szn!!! My fave holiday tradition is eating peanut butter cookies. Note: I said eating… so this year I decided I’d try BAKING them! If you’re gluten free and have some recs, you know to send them my way!!
SONG OF THE WEEK
🎧 Yule Shoot Your Eye Out, Fall Out Boy Copy anchor linkCopied
.jpg)
AN EMO CHRISTMAS BOPPPP.
Enjoy this seasonal but not song from Fall Out Boy.
It’s been a big emo kid year for me as my Spotify wrapped liked to remind me.
Screamo was my nº2 genre despite not really considering Fall Out Boy as screamo at all… and Fall Out Boy came in as artist nº3 and two of their albums were in my top 5 most played.
What can I say, an emo kid at heart over here.
I hope you enjoyed this, please let me know what you think and what other topics you'd love for me to cover. I'm allll ears.
Reminder: Take care of yourself and know that I support you.
