Hi ya party people,

I don’t know about you, but my brain has fully entered that weird pre-holiday zone where I’m exhausted, but deeply excited for next week’s vacation.

Yes, you read that right, I'm offfff all of next week!!! Look at your gal finally taking her own advice and getting rest. 

But before I go OOO, I'm hosting an informal convo about the recent SHRM drama to share recent developments and how we can better support each other in the new year. It starts TODAY 11AM ET - see you there??

Moving on to today's wild edition of Q&A all about the gray areas that make this job exhausting: when employees come to you to vent about small stuff, but swear it’s bad enough to quit… and when leadership says “I don’t care as long as the work gets done” while everyone else is quietly seething.

We’re talking about how to encourage direct, healthy communication without dismissing real concerns, and how to deal with rule-breaking that’s technically allowed but also wrecking morale.

Basically: when do you step in, when do you push back, and how do you do both without lighting yourself on fire?

Let’s get into it and end this week on a high note!

And keep up the question submissions! 

ASK AWAY

😐 communication & moraleCopy anchor linkCopied

✍🏾 How can I empower my staff to engage in open communication with their officemates to discuss small disagreements or differences in personality when they are reaching out to me for 'venting' while also saying it's so bad they're considering looking for other employment? For example, some of the complaints are regarding taking out trash or feelings of not being included.

Context: We are a small non-profit organization with no HR staff - only supervisors. I feel as though my duty to step in is only after staff have at least attempted to communicate their needs or frustrations in a professional way, but am not certain how to convey that without sounding like I'm dismissing their concerns. Any advice you have is greatly appreciated!

📣 Nalini Mani, Organization Transformation Advisor:

That’s such a relatable challenge, especially in small nonprofits where every personality and task feels magnified. Here are a few strategies that might be worthy of consideration:

- Normalize “small talk about small stuff.” Let staff know that disagreements about trash duty or feeling left out aren’t trivial …they’re part of daily life in close‑knit teams. Framing them as normal friction points helps reduce the stigma of speaking up.

- Give them a script, not a lecture. Sometimes people avoid direct communication because they don’t know how to start. Share simple phrases like: “Hey, can we figure out a trash rotation that feels fair?” “I’d love to be included next time … could you loop me in?” This makes the idea of speaking up less intimidating.

- Create a “first stop, then escalate” culture. Clarify that supervisors step in after staff have tried to address the issue directly. Position it as empowerment, not dismissal: “I want you to have the tools to solve small conflicts yourselves first … but if that doesn’t work, I’m here to help.”

- Model vulnerability. Share a light example of a time you had to address a small workplace annoyance directly. It shows that even leaders have to navigate personality differences, and it makes the process feel less formal.

- Offer coaching, not just listening. When staff come to you to vent, acknowledge their feelings, then pivot: “I hear your frustration. Let’s think about how you could bring this up with your colleague in a way that feels constructive.” This reframes venting into problem‑solving.

- Celebrate attempts, not just outcomes. Even if the conversation doesn’t go perfectly, recognize the effort. That builds confidence and reinforces the idea that open communication is valued.

The thing to keep in mind here is that you don’t want to sound dismissive, so lean into empathy first (“I hear you, this matters”), then gently redirect toward empowerment (“Let’s think about how you can raise this directly”). That way, staff feel validated but also nudged toward professional communication.

📣 Liz Dewey, Assistant Director, HR @ Housing Authority of Snohomish County:

I can relate. One way I try and combat this is by encouraging our staff to remember we are all on the same team and to assume positive intent when communicating with coworkers. Maybe they don't know they are supposed to take out the trash and need someone to let them know. Or maybe they aren't aware of the unspoken social rules in the office and need someone to help them get up to speed.

Safe Space members can join this discussion here. Not a member yet? Apply to join here.

✍🏾 We have a team member with no regard for the clock. There are start and end times and this person regularly comes in late, takes long lunches, and disappears from their desk for 20 mins at a time. Complaints trickled all the way up to the COO, and his official response is "I don't care as long as the work gets done". Others, however, are expected to follow the rules. It is killing morale. 

Context: Accounting Firm/100 staff members/International

📣 Maleea Meden, HR Director @ World Centric:

If they're salaried, then the COO's response and approach seems reasonable, and I would work towards promoting a similar culture with the rest of the team. Is there a real business reason for the rules to exist? If there is not, then the rule is arbitrary and you'll never be able to attract and retain top performers if performance is measured by hours at a desk vs. achievement of deliverables.

📣 Christine McCallum-Randalls, Director of People @ Test Double:

Yuck! No one likes dealing with multiple complaints. It's so frustrating when leadership won't back you up. Depending on what the root of the issue is, you may be able to get the COO to pay attention and improve team morale.

Is the issue that this person gets their own special time policy and everyone else has to follow another time policy? Is it that the policy is the same for all but others are following a cultural norm? Or is the issue that this person is underperforming?

If the issue is that they get their own set of time policies, why? Is there an accommodation in place? Is it nepotism? Finding out will help you decide on your next course of action.

If the issue is that there's a cultural norm this person isn't following, I would reintroduce the actual policy with the broader team. They will probably appreciate the freedom that comes with understanding the policy.

If the issue is that this person is underperforming, I would deal with that. The COO himself implied that he WILL care if the issue is performance.

Best of luck!

📣 Hannah Hartley, CHRO, Chief HR Officer @ BRASS, Inc:

I have so many questions and also deep empathy for your (and everyone else's) frustration because this would drive me crazy too! It's okay to be strict on working hours and it's okay to be relaxed about working hours, inconsistency however - never cool.

Is the policy/employee handbook written to clearly define a) the schedule of the position and/or b) the definition of full-time employment? Does this person report their time anywhere, like a timesheet or a punch-in system?

I ask both of these questions because first and foremost, if they're breaking a policy, your COO can't argue with that (at least, not in good faith lol). If they're openly defying a policy that stipulates their working hours or the hours they need to fulfill to be classified as a full-time employee (and they aren't meeting that), you *have* to point out that hypocrisy there. 

I would include an echo of the varying team members' frustrations in that convo. This is also where your documentation will come so in handy - if there is a timesheet or some other report of the time this person is working, take that to your COO to show exactly how inconsistent this person's attendance/arrival is. The more time you can show the inconsistency, the better. Don't bring one bi-weekly report, bring 3-6 months worth of documentation. OR, if there is a way to show this person is working less than the defined hours for their employment classification (i.e. they're constantly working 32 hours and it should be 40), you can show your COO the inconsistency that way.

And if your COO STILL doesn't care, eventually... you have to let the cookie crumble, unfortunately. Because when they start losing team members because the rules apply to some and not others, the work will NOT get done, I can assure you that.

Sorry you're dealing with this :/

This is so frustrating all around!

Safe Space members can join this discussion here. Not a member yet? Apply to join here.

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🚨 ON YOUR RADAR

🎧 I may or may not have cried on this episode, because George Boone and I talk about grief, but the kind that reshapes how you work, lead, and exist. It’s raw, human, and unexpectedly hopeful. Check it out on Spotify or Apple Podcasts!

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📝 RESOURCE OF THE WEEK

Each week I feature a resource I love from the Safe Space library that I believe would be relatable to this week's newsletter topic.

This week, we’re breaking down the basics of communication. Check it out HERE ⬇️

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FRIDAY FUN

✨ maybe she's born with it, maybe she's OOOCopy anchor linkCopied

Weekend plans, next week's plans, or my plans until January 2nd 2026???

If you need me, I'll be:

A) on my couch with a movie on 

B) in my bed with a holiday read

C) on my sister's couch watching a movie 

D) somehwere horizontal contemplating life 

What do all these have in common?? I'm lying down. 

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That's all for this week! I hope you enjoyed! If you have any thoughts, please let me know. I'm allll ears.

Reminder: Today is FRIDAY. 🙏