smells & skills
Hi ya party people,
Our fav day of the week is here! 🥳
Also…I blinked, and somehow August is already halfway gone???
At this speed, next week’s newsletters might as well come with a side of mashed potatoes and stuffing.
I shall look forward to discussing Thanksgiving dishes when the time comes (bc I have opinions), but for now…you know what time it is!
This week’s Q&A? Smells and skills. Yep, you read that right.
First up: a manager who wants to talk to an employee about body odor. It’s not constant, it’s not affecting performance, but other people have noticed. Is it worth mentioning? And if yes, how do you bring it up without it being the most awkward five minutes of your career?
Then: a boss who’s one of the kindest humans alive…but also one of the least effective managers. When the vibe is great but the leadership is MIA, what’s your move?
📣 So let’s get ready to ruuuumble!
And keep up the question submissions! I look forward to reading them, and you might make my day and get featured. Just saying.
ASK AWAY
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✍🏽 One of our managers told me that one of her female employees has a foul body odor. It is not every day but other employees have noticed. It is not interfering with her duties but the manager wants to mention it to the employee. Is that appropriate? How can she bring up the subject?
Context: We are a Christian non-profit and work together closely. There are 75 employees total but, in this location, there are only 12.
📣 Jenny Toth, Senior Manager People and Culture @ CAVA Foods:
The manager should approach this from a position of concern, caring and support. No one wants to smell bad or have their colleagues talk about their smell behind their back. If I were in the manager's position, I would bring this employee in and briefly recognize what she is doing well, then segue into the challenging topic.
As a manager, I would acknowledge that this is a sensitive personal topic to discuss, and say that I am coming from a place of caring about the employee's well-being. I recommend being direct and not using euphemisms or coded language. "Employee, occasionally I have noticed that you have a strong smell of body odor/ cigarette smoke/ mildew (fill in the blank), you may not be aware of this but the odor can be distracting for me, those working closely around you and also for our customers. Our policy states x regarding appearance and hygiene. Is there any support that you need right now?"
The manager needs to be ready for the response. For example if the employee is temporarily unhoused and does not have access to showers consistently, perhaps the company can provide assistance with housing/ gym membership for shower access/ temporary housing.
📣 Amber Soto, Sr HRBP @ OpenText:
Yes, absolutely appropriate and should be addressed. These are one of those tough conversations leaders need to be prepared to have. I would coach the leader to set up a meeting with the employee and tell them they need to chat with them about something sensitive. Tell her it's been brought to her attention that there has been a noticeable odor present during the employees interactions with others at work.
Let her know that this can make it harder for others to focus and collaborate effectively, and so she wants to make sure she's in the best position to do her work and maintain strong working relationships and tell her that she wanted to make her aware so that she has the chance to address it. And the leader can ask if there is anything they'd like to share (ie. is it medical/health related, etc.) or if there is something she the leader can do, or the company can help with.
Then I'd have the leader follow back up with her in a couple of days.
I'd also make sure the leader is empathetic and reminds her that if she has any questions or needs support, that she'll be there.
📣 Jamie Bucher, Manager/Generalist @ Alluvion Health:
We share a tip sheet with our managers to aid them through this difficult/sensitive topic. I removed our company branding and have shared it here in Word format so you can modify it to your liking and use it if you'd like.
Hope this helps.
Safe Space members can join this discussion here. Not a member yet? Apply to join here.
✍🏽 Boss is a great person, very supportive & empathetic, but doesn't effectively manage our team or keep us informed of essential information needed in our roles. Team members have frequent questions & are constantly seeking direction due to lack of up-to-date, or nonexistent, job aids/checklists. Errors are rampant & often the root cause is due to lack of consistent feedback & direction. Team members are asked to monitor one another vs. leadership. I respect my boss and believe they're one of the best people I've worked for, but their management style and skills don't meet our needs. Help!
Context: Large private university, small team of 12 people
📣 Christopher Arnold, CEO @ Care Deeply:
Hi, Anonymous.
When I read your question, I tell myself that you care a lot about creating success for your team and the company. I imagine that level of deep caring has, and will continue, to serve you well.
From over here, it seems that you have some expectations of your boss that aren't being met. I imagine that your boss is either not aware of those expectations, or is operating from a different set of priorities. Either way, successful resolution of this conflict will depend on three important steps:
- You must distinguish your expectations from your preferences.
- You must be curious about your boss' perspective.
- You must communicate your ideas in a way that doesn't make your boss wrong.
Expectations vs Preferences:
I imagine that your expectations seem obvious to you. And your colleagues say things that have you believe that these expectations are obvious to everyone else. But I encourage you to take a moment and ask yourself, "Where did my expectations come from?" Are they expectations that were set by a previous boss? Did they come from something I read? Or are they based on an agreement between my current boss and me?
If your expectations aren't based on an agreement with your current boss, then you've probably identified a preference that you/your colleagues have vs your boss. Framing them as preferences means you are taking ownership for your desires/needs instead of expecting others to read your mind.
Curiosity:
Assuming you don't have an agreement with your current boss, what expectations are they operating under? What are their preferences? How do they define success?
When we approach misalignment with the belief that one side is right and the other is wrong, then conflict is almost inevitable. Instead, when we approach situations with curiosity we find that, most of the time, both sides have a valid perspective. We cannot solve a problem together until we share a similar understanding of the challenge. We need their perspective and they need ours.
Communicating Without Making Others Wrong:
The only thing we can talk about with any certainty is ourselves and our experiences.
Instead of saying, "My boss doesn't effectively manage the team."
I could say, "I'm not getting everything I need to be successful."
Instead of saying, "My boss doesn't keep us informed."
I could say, "I'm missing some information that I would find helpful."
Instead of saying, "Team members have frequent questions."
I could say, "Team members have asked me for this information."
When I talk about others as if I know what's happening for them, or I can assess their performance, I call that Speaking Arguably.
When I talk about myself and my experience, I call that Speaking Inarguably.
When we speak arguably, we get resistance and conflict. When we speak inarguably, we get results.
My hope is that you are able to combine your current passion for improvement and performance with my suggestions above to find common ground and an effective resolution with your boss. Wishing you much success!
📣 Erin McCann, Head of People @ Genomenon:
Hi Anonymous!
This is a tough situation, but I think open, candid communication could go a long way toward helping the team. I like framing feedback in "Great" and "Grow" and utilizing the "STAR" method to show the full scope and impact. Here’s something you might try sharing with your boss:
Hi [Boss’s Name],
First, I want to say how much I value your empathy, support, and genuine care for our team. You’re one of the most respectful and understanding leaders I’ve worked with, and that’s a big reason I enjoy being on this team.
That said, I think we’re running into some challenges that are affecting our effectiveness, and I’d like to share them so we can work on solutions together.
The Great:
Your approachability and willingness to listen make it easy for people to bring up concerns.
You foster a positive team culture and treat people with empathy, even in tough situations.
The Grow:
We often lack up-to-date job aids, checklists, or clear SOPs, which leads to frequent questions and uncertainty. For example, during [specific project or process], we had to rely on each other’s recollections because there was no current reference doc, which led to avoidable errors.
Key updates and role-specific information aren’t always communicated promptly, so team members sometimes learn about changes after the fact.
Feedback on performance tends to be infrequent, which makes it harder to know if we’re on the right track until problems arise.
Ideas for Moving Forward:
Create or refresh core job aids/checklists and store them in a shared, easy-to-access space.
Add a short “essential updates” section to our weekly [team meeting/Slack post] to make sure everyone is aligned.
Build in more regular feedback touchpoints – even quick check-ins – so people can adjust before issues grow.
I’m sharing this because I want our team to succeed and because I believe in your leadership. With your strengths in empathy and relationship-building, I think these structure and communication tweaks could make a big impact on our team’s clarity, consistency, and results.
Thanks for taking the time to hear this out. I’d be happy to help brainstorm tools or processes to make these improvements easier to implement.
– [Your Name]
Safe Space members can join this discussion here. Not a member yet? Apply to join here.
🚨 ON YOUR RADAR
🎧 Need a career reality check with a side of tough love? I sat down with April Little to talk about why hard work won’t get you promoted, how getting fired might set you free, and why being invisible at work is the fastest way to stall your career. It’s truth bombs, therapy, and a masterclass in making your career work for you. Check it out on Spotify or Apple Podcasts!
💰 How much money are you wasting on bad hires? eSkill’s ROI Calculator shows exactly how much you could save by swapping guesswork for data-backed skills testing, all from using hard numbers based on your hiring process! Plug in your info, get your savings, and finally have proof your CFO can’t side-eye.
🧠 The ✨FIRST EVER✨ Safe Space Summit is bringing together the HR leaders everyone else calls for advice! With Jen Laurie, Founder and Fractional Chief People Officer at Equitable HR Guild, on the speaker lineup, you already know the audience will be just as impressive. Apply for a pass and spend the day surrounded by the people shaping the future of work!
🌀 Angela Harder created a playbook to help people lead through uncertainty and change. Check out “This Isn’t Business As Usual” here.
📝 RESOURCE OF THE WEEK
Each week I feature a resource I love from the Safe Space library that I believe would be relatable to this week's newsletter topic.
This week’s resource is Jill Felska’s framework for developing a modern people management training program. It includes a ton of great info and some free tools you can use too! Check it out HERE ⬇️
FRIDAY FUN
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HEAVY IS THE HEAD THAT WEARS THE CROWN.
Also, I need everyone to try to be 5% more the voice of reason in their meetings rather than HR coming in and being like "that's illegal" or "terrible for the culture" orrrrr "that will make everyone want to quit."
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!!!
That's all for this week! I hope you enjoyed! If you have any thoughts, please let me know. I'm allll ears.
Reminder: Today is FRIDAY. 🙏
