the confidence gap
Hi ya friends,
It’s Monday so you know the drill. I’m back in your inbox to inspire joy and remind you work doesn’t have to be an awful experience for everyone involved!!! Including yourself!!
I’m feeling refreshed after taking a week off. I ran errands, cleaned, and spent some quality time with a few books. I feel ready to tackle what’s coming this fall…
I’ve got a packed schedule with trips to places like NYC, Chicago, Austin and Park City. Racking up those miles clearly!!
You can catch me in your local city, I’ll be sharing coffee meetup deets or any of the following places:
🎧 In your ears on the pod! Why does it seem like no one wants the top job anymore?? Ciara Lakhani and I get into that and more on this week’s episode of the I Hate it Here pod. By the end of the episode I was contemplating a lot of my life choices.
📺 In front of your eyes at HR Therapy: We’re having funnnnn this month with a Sabrina Carpenter themed event! Why you may ask?? Well because WE’RE GIVING AWAY TICKETS TO SEE HER AT ONE OF MY FAVE VENUES MADISON SQUARE GARDEN! Sry for yelling just wanted to make sure you saw that!! What’s the event covering? Well, one of the hottest topics: the candidate experience and how to deliver one candidate rave about. Join us and let’s have some freakin’ fun!
🏙️ On the stage at the Safe Space Summit. Are you ready to tackle the toughest challenges HR is facing and walk away with a gazillion (not a real number) ideas for how to make your job (and life) easier?? Request a spot at the summit!
Now, onto today… the confidence gap at work.
CULTURE
The confidence gap: Copy anchor linkCopied
I’m sorry to make you do some introspection on this fine Monday afternoon… I know the last thing you need is MORE work, but can you please humor me for a second??
Can you think of a moment when you felt especially confident at work and a moment when you didn’t?
What made you feel that way in each situation?
Could it have been:
- Clear (or unclear) expectations?
- Support (or lack of it) from your manager?
- Access to training or resources?
- The culture in the room/org (inclusive vs. intimidating)?
- Past experience (first time vs. “I’ve done this before”)?
The truth is in today’s workplaces, confidence isn’t always a given.
Some employees can feel unstoppable and others may struggle…
Research shows men consistently report higher confidence in their abilities than women, even when performance is equal. Ugh.
Gen Z often struggles more than older peers, with Deloitte finding nearly half worry they’re not prepared for future skills.
Here’s the thing: those confidence differences don’t just shape individual careers (like yours and mine), they shape your entire company’s culture. When some employees lean in and others hold back, it can tell you a lot about who is ready for what’s next.
Understanding the confidence gap isn’t just my random HR curiosity, it can be a leading indicator of how prepared (or unprepared) your org really is for the future of work.
And right now the future is looking… bumpy.
With AI disrupting work and change happening more rapidly than ever before we need to help our employees feel confident that they can tackle the future!
Confident VS not confident: Copy anchor linkCopied
The confidence gap isn’t loud.
Your employees aren’t just suddenly going to admit “hey, I don’t feel confident, HELP!!”
👀 It's the subtle cues to keep an eye out for.
I used to joke that working in HR was like people watching, but instead of random people you’re watching your employees. There’s so much you can learn from behaviors in the workplace. I actually keep a flight risk list based on yes data but also observed behaviors. I can usually tell when employees are disconnecting and, therefore, more likely to leave.
So, let’s look at some behaviors to keep your eye out for when it comes to confidence in the workplace:
Confident employees often will:
- Volunteer for stretch assignments, or signal interest in new challenges in ways that feel comfortable, like written notes or async channels
- Share ideas early, even if they are imperfect! That can look like speaking up live or contributing in docs/Slack
- Engage with new training or reskilling programs, experimenting and giving feedback
- Contribute across teams, either in discussions or through written/visual input
- Recover from mistakes by seeking solutions and showing resilience, even if they process setbacks quietly
Less confident employees often will:
- Wait for new tools or programs to be “proven safe” before trying them out
- Stick to familiar tasks, even when under-challenged or bored
- Hesitate to ask clarifying questions or request feedback, especially in group settings
- Pull back when stakes feel high, avoiding visibility or responsibility
- Mask disengagement by staying quiet or over-relying on others to take the lead
⚠️ Something you MUST be mindful of:
Do not make the mistake of taking silence for a lack of confidence. For neurodivergent employees, confidence can show up in written contributions, deep focus, or steady follow-through rather than speaking up in a crowded room. Look for how people contribute, not just how loudly.
➡️ Spotting these behaviors is just step one.
Here are a few other data points to consider:
1. Who is participating: Look at who’s signing up for optional training, mentorship, or stretch projects. If enrollment skews heavily toward certain groups (tenured employees, men, extroverts), that’s something to consider!
2. Feedback patterns: Dig into performance reviews or 360 feedback. Textio’s research shows men are 3X more likely to be described as “confident,” while women and underrepresented employees often get personality labels instead of actionable feedback. If you are observing this trend in your organization it probably time to train leaders and managers on the confidence gap and how bias shows up in performance feedback!
3. Career progression trends: Track who’s applying for internal promotions or lateral moves. If some employees consistently sit out while others climb, it’s less about skill and more about who feels ready to compete.
4. Engagement survey cues: Questions like “I feel prepared for the future of work” or “I understand how to grow here” can show big confidence divides between teams, tenure levels, or demographics.
The big question is: once you notice who’s leaning in and who’s holding back, what can you actually do about it???
That’s where HR comes in!! What can we do to build systems that instill and build confidence for everyone?
(A lot)
What HR can do: Copy anchor linkCopied
Maybe employees are born with it, maybe it’s HR’s hard work to close the confidence gap. (Did you get the reference??)
There are REAL things HR can do to help those who are holding back and those who are leaning in.
✨ 3 tactics for those holding back: ✨
1. Kill the guesswork: Confidence tanks when employees don’t actually know what “good” looks like. Spell it out. That means making sure managers are clearly setting expectations, job descriptions line up with the actual work and constant feedback loops are happening to keep employees on track.
The clearer the path, the easier employees will believe they can walk it. And viola confidence!
2. Build small wins: A six-month reskilling program could feel like climbing Everest (too dramatic??). Big projects and undertakings need to be broken down into smaller, bite sized chunks. Why? Because when small milestones are hit, momentum can build and confidence can grow. Also, the better an org gets at breaking down work into iterative tasks the more agile they can be!
Example: launch a two-week sprint where employees test one skill, share results, then stack the next challenge. Confidence builds when you feel like you’re achieving something!
3. Hype up the try: If you only reward perfect outcomes, most employees will stay quiet and afraid of an imperfect outcome. But imperfect outcomes are how people learn and confidence is built. It also normalizes risk-taking and then that energy becomes contagious.
How to do this: incorporate learnings into company wide meetings or comms. Where leaders and others across the org can talk about projects they’re trying and what they’re learning. The goal here is to also highlight the failures or where we were wrong. Highlighting the try is the goal here!
✨ 2 tactics for those leaning in: ✨
1. Assign stretch projects: BTW This doesn’t mean piling on more work!!! Give employees who are leaning in the chance to showcase their skills across teams or in front of leadership via stretch projects. It reinforces an employee’s confidence and signals to others that leaning in pays off. An easy place to do this is in a weekly or monthly townhall or even in Slack/teams.
2. Feed the curiosity. Offer first access to new tools, pilot programs, or experimental projects. Turning employees who are leaning in into early adopters keeps momentum high and positions them as culture-shapers.
Here’s the deal: every employee may require a different approach. This is where leaning on managers and leaders is KEY. You want them to help spot the confidence gaps and put together a tailored plan to help close the gaps. And yes, that’s one more task for managers but they need to be growing and developing their teams!
The modern manager?Copy anchor linkCopied
Confidence is just one cultural signal.
The next one? Managers.
With new tech, the focus on reskilling and rapid change, the role of manager is shifting fast from being task overseers to so much more.
Next week, an edition focused on managers! (Your fave??)
I’ll cover how the manager role is being redefined in real time, and what that means for the future of company culture.
(HUMAN) RESOURCES
- Air Canada flight attendants continue to strike
- Job skill certifications don’t pay off?
- Do CEOs adopt AI as much as employees? The answer may surprise you…
- Blue collar jobs are gaining popularity as AI disrupts knowledge work
WORK-LIFE BALANCE
- 📚 What I’m reading: Not Another Love Song by Julie Soto. I’ve read loads of Julie’s fanfic and realized I hadn’t yet all her traditionally published work yet. So I set out to remedy that this weekend and this did not disappoint. If romcoms are your type of thing, you should read!
- 📺 What I’m watching: Freakier Friday. I went to my favorite place!!! Well after bookshops and my local coffee spot… coming in no3 is the movie theatre. Yes, I’m one of those!!! I love the smell of popcorn and 30 minutes of movie trailers. I had to go see the sequel to the movie I still remember seeing in theatres 22 years ago… And I didn’t miss a single dang reference!!
- 👖 What I’m obsessing over: these jeans from Gap. I wore them for the first time this week and let me just say they’re comfy, I didn’t overheat and I was genuinely pleased. I got them in the dark color and they’re 40% off RN, just saying! I wasn’t sure barrel jeans were for me but here we are.
SONG OF THE WEEK
🎧 Man I Need, Olivia Dean Copy anchor linkCopied
About three years ago I started listening to Olivia Dean and I was mesmerized by her voice. You know I ADORE soulful music and that is exactly what she delivers.
If you aren’t already listening to her, stop what you’re doing and listen to this song. And honestly every single one of her songs. I know i’ve shared her music in this section before SO YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE to not know who she is!!!!
I tried to get tickets to see her in DC but they sold out sooo fast. Currently contemplating a quick trip to Austin to see her at ACL.
That's all for this week! I hope you enjoyed this, please let me know what you think and what other topics you'd love for me to cover. I'm allll ears.
Reminder: Take care of yourself and know that I support you.
