toxic coworkers
Hiiii,
It’s Monday, the sun is shining and my energy is HIGH.
I’m off to Chicago this week for the Safe Space Summit. An event months in the making!!! Content that I dreamed up during a 3am fever dream about HR brought to life by a fab crew of folks.
If you can’t be there, rest assured I will have some recaps for you in the next few weeks!
And other things that may bring you joy:
👻 TOMORROW!!! A spooky themed HR Therapy. I mean what’s more terrifying than this current job market??? Join me and a crew of incredible folks for The Haunted House of Hiring as we dig into what’s going on and so much more!
🎃HR Horror Stories is back… submit your spookiest, more outrageous HR horror story you got! Currently submissions involve witchcraft, spells, witches, and inappropriate relationships. What’s not to love about working in HR???
Now, onto today!!!
I'm diving into something that you’ve probably experienced… the toxic coworker!!
CULTURE
Are your toxic coworkers killing the vibe for everyone?Copy anchor linkCopied
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I talk A LOT about things like burnout, overwork, and constant change but there’s an energy drain that doesn’t get as much attention.
Despite most of us having experienced it...
✨ If the headline didn’t already give it away its: toxic coworkers. ✨
Now, if just reading those words caused a name or face to pop into your head then you absolutely know the damage and harm a toxic coworker can do!
But first, let’s level set on what I mean when I say toxic because that work gets thrown around loosely sometimes.
❌ A toxic coworker isn’t just someone who’s annoying or hard to work with.
They’re the ones who consistently leave a trail of confusion, frustration, or even emotional chaos behind them. Their impact is felt in a room looong after they’ve left it. It’s not really about one bad day because we all have those, myself included. A toxic coworker will display a pattern of behavior that quietly drains everyone else’s capacity to do good work.
And no one knows toxic better than HR folks.
We tend to be the ones who clean up the aftermath and deal with things like the complaints, morale issues, and the “please don’t make me work with them again” convos. OR worse, we’re forced to hear the complaints but can’t do anything about them because it's a leader, “top” performer, a distant relative of someone important or even the CEO’s BFF. If you’re really unlucky they are all of the above.
Today I’m getting into how to spot these energy vampires, assess their impact and figure out what HR can actually do.
The energy vamps:Copy anchor linkCopied
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Ohh Spike, you’ll always be my favorite vampire.
Every workplace has its own cast and crew of characters but here are some common energy vamps you may spot in your org that one could consider “toxic.”
🌀 The Chaos Agent: This character thrives in ambiguity. Like loves it and thinks that’s just the way things are.
Maybe they’ll hoard info, stir up some confusion, and leave the situation calling it “collaboration.” It’s not. Every project or task ends in a Slack thread of 57 messages and people leaving MORE UNCLEAR than when the convo started. Or they’ll throw a meeting on your calendar called “Quick Sync” that ends up being the same issues you’re already discussing in an email or Slack and by the end of the meeting no decisions have been made but they’ll declare “we were so productive!” Our definitions of productivity are different…
🤏🏼 Clock it: I’ve worked with my fair share of chaos agents and I have a theory about them. They are the folks who love information gathering and controlling how things are done BUT are terrible at communicating what others need to know to actually get things done. They thrive when they can provide the answer. A more extreme version of this is a power hungry person who views info as power and refuses to share it until they absolutely have to
😇 The Sugar-Coated Saboteur: This character appears polished on the outside but is really passive-aggressive on the inside. They weaponize “feedback,” love a backhanded compliment that cuts, and somehow manage to be both helpful and harmful in one sentence.
I feel like WE ALL know this type or we’ve seen Mean Girls enough time to recognize it in the workplace... They’ll open a meeting with, “You’ve been doing such great work lately!” and then later on say, “It’s so refreshing to see you finally taking initiative.” It’s giving: “Oh my god, I love your bracelet where’d you get it from?” Or maybe they’ll tag you in a public Slack thread just to “clarify” something you supposedly messed up but somehow it makes them look like the hero who caught it. My skin is crawling.
🤏🏼 Clock it: My theory on the sugar-coated saboteur is that they learned early on that being direct ends with them being punished. They saw honest people labeled “difficult” while the diplomatic folks were the ones who got rewarded, so they adapted. That passive-aggression behavior is actually more of a survival skill, especially in cultures that prize niceness over truth. Because in those environments control comes from tone, not authority. Mic dropppp. But here's the kicker… They might truly believe they’re being professional. The system taught them that as long as you smile while saying it and seem NICE, it’s not mean or breeding conflict, it’s communication. Big ICK.
🏆 The Overly Competent Tyrant: This character is high performing but an absolute terror to work with at times. They’re the one leadership protects because “we can’t afford to lose them.” They deliver results BUT tend to leave a trail of bad vibes behind.
You know the one the “rockstar” who closes deals, ships product, or “just gets things done.” Everyone HATES working with them, but their metrics shine bright. When complaints come in (they always do) the response is usually something along the lines of “That’s just their style.” BOOO.
🤏🏼 Clock it: my theory is this type of toxic coworker has historically been rewarded for outcomes, never impact. Somewhere along their journey they learned that being indispensable is much safer than being collaborative. And unfortunately the system taught them results can excuse behavior. And in smaller orgs removing this person could actually be detrimental to the business surviving so most times they’re left to their own devices or HR is told no change is going to happen.
🕯️ The Burnout Hero: This character is constantly working and everyone knows it because they won’t stop telling everyone.
You know, works until midnight and loves reminding everyone how much they sacrifice “for the team.” They make everyone around them feel like they aren't doing enough. They’ll jump into every problem, volunteer for every extra task, and proclaim things like, “I just care too much!!” They set a pace no one asked for and then somehow judge you for not matching it. Sorry??? You might get emails timestamped at 11:47 p.m. with subject lines like “Quick thoughts :)” and/or Slack messages before 8 a.m. that read “Up early, just getting a head start!” I just shuddered. Schedule send is a REAL THING that everyone needs to learn to use.
🤏🏼 Clock it: my theory is that this type of coworker is used to workplaces that glorify hustle culture and confuse boundaries with being lazy. They believe exhaustion equals excellence. (It doesn't) Their burnout is worn like a badge and their overwork becomes everyone else’s burden. I see this a lot at early stage startups because the work feels make or break at that stage but the impact of this type of employee can push people too far and hurt good work from being done.
I’m sure you’ve met one of maybe all four of these energy vamps in your career.
📣 But before you go writing people off as just being “difficult” think about this: toxic coworkers are symptoms, not causes. They most often reflect gaps in things like leadership, clarity, and accountability. THE BIG 3!
So, how do we stop creating environment that feeds their bad behaviors?
ENTER HR.
What HR can do:Copy anchor linkCopied
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Unfort, you can’t mediate your way out of systemic toxicity. You have to DESIGN a system or environment that doesn’t enable toxic and bad behaviors.
Here are five things to consider trying.
1. Diagnose patterns, not the people: Don’t treat toxic coworkers as a one-off. Look for trends like:
❌ Who gets away with what
❌ Who leaves because of whom
❌ Which behaviors are consistently excused under “style” or “stress.”
Patterns will tell the real story of your culture. Document them, quantify them, and be ready to show leaders the receipts. Storytelling + data will be so powerful here so don’t forget to lean on your surveys to uncover the patterns.
💡 Ask yourself: If I anonymized this behavior, would it still be acceptable? If the answer is no, it’s time to move and intervene.
2. Disrupt the enablers: Toxicity survives because someone allows it to and usually, that “someone” sits in leadership. Another mic drop.
Coach your managers and leaders on holding performance and behavior accountable. BOTH are the key. You don’t want any behaviors to hide behind output.
3. Redesign the system: I hate to say it but most of these archetypes exist because your systems reward them.
The Chaos Agent thrives in ambiguity? That’s a clarity problem.
The Sugar-Coated Saboteur? A feedback culture issue.
The Overly Competent Tyrant? A leadership accountability gap.
The Burnout Hero? A recognition system that confuses burnout with commitment.
💡 Your move: Audit your recognition, promotion, and feedback loops. If people learn that good behavior slows them down while bad behavior gets them ahead, it's time to redesign and rethink the system. Start with your values and go from there.
4. Protect the energy flow: Energy is THE currency. HR’s role is to find where it’s leaking and plug the hole.
Sometimes that could mean training, other times it could mean termination. But always, it means making the invisible visible. You have to be clear about what you’re addressing otherwise things will not change.
5. Get leadership to co-own it: HR cannot and SHOULD NOT be the sole emotional regulator of the organization. Bring your execs into the conversation. Make them see the connection between toxicity and turnover, between energy loss and productivity loss.
💡 Frame it their way: Here’s what XX behavior is costing us in terms of engagement, retention, and dollars. Rely on your data, not just the observations. And suggest what changes need to be made.
The bottom line: Addressing the energy drain from toxic coworkers doesn’t happen overnight, just remember that they do have an impact on employees and that impact can be everything from productivity to retention. Start at tip number 1 from above and I guarantee you can make an impact.
Next week:Copy anchor linkCopied
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My favorite newsletter of the year comes out next week!
🎃 HR Horror Stories!!! 🎃
Don’t forget to encourage your friends, family, and strangers on the internet to submit any stories they have.
SEE YOU THEN and prepare to be frightened…
(HUMAN) RESOURCES
- AWS down this morning?
- Home renos about to get more expensive
- Resale market is taking off
- A heist at the Louvre, woww
WORK-LIFE BALANCE
- 📚 What I’m reading: Let Them See You by Madison Butler. Madison is one of my favorite follows on Linkedin and while getting to know her she’s also become one of my fave people to talk to. She’s genuine, cool and so honest. Her book dives into authenticity, what it takes to build spaces where people can show up as themselves and how to speak kindly to yourself. Grab a copy asap!!
- 📺 What I’m watching: I Know What You Did Last Summer (2025 edition). I’ve seen the OG IKWYDLS part one and two so obvi I had to watch this remake / continuation? It featured characters from the original series and even a cameo of one of my fave actresses! No spoilers though so I won't tell you!
- ☕ What I’m obsessing over: Season creamers. Last week it was seasonal drinks. This week it's the seasonal creamers. There’s this one almond milk brand that makes an apple crisp creamer and I swear it GOT ME THROUGH fall last year. Here’s to hoping they release it again.
SONG OF THE WEEK
🎧 I Got A Feeling, Benny G Copy anchor linkCopied
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I stumbled upon this artist on Tiktok and was drawn in by his voice and this song!
It was giving me Allen Stone vibes and you know I love his voice/vibe/music.
Enjoy!!
That's all for this week! I hope you enjoyed this, please let me know what you think and what other topics you'd love for me to cover. I'm allll ears.
Reminder: Take care of yourself and know that I support you.
