when satisfaction is impossible
Hi ya party people,
A very long (but mostly fun) week has come to an end, and my phone will prob be on DND for the weekend while I wrap myself in a blanket like a burrito!
This week, we're diving into two scenarios that are chef's kiss levels of complicated. 👩🍳
First up: what do you do with an employee who's chronically unhappy even after you've literally given her everything she asked for?
We're talking pay equity fixed, demands met, trauma acknowledged…and yet she's still spreading misinformation and sabotaging team morale. Good times.
Then we're getting into the nuanced territory of DEI and religious beliefs in the workplace.
Specifically, how do you support cultural inclusivity without accidentally endorsing specific religious practices? Where are the guardrails? What's the playbook when you're a global medical manufacturing company trying to do the right thing without stepping on landmines?
The dilemmas are endless. Let’s discuss!
Oh, and don’t forget to send me all the unhinged questions you have for a chance to be featured! 😇
ASK AWAY
😐 unhappiness & DEICopy anchor linkCopied
✍🏾 How do you deal with a chronically unhappy employee?
Context: She was paid less than her peers in her band, and we rectified the gap immediately. However, she's still operating as if she's underpaid and spreading misinformation about what raises and bonuses people are getting. The organization went through a really traumatic shift -- our old CEO was essentially ousted for financial mismanagement and bullying -- and our new operations/HR team is trying our best to right past wrongs where we can, as our budget allows. It's obvious she's still holding on to trauma, but we've essentially given her everything she demanded (against my recommendation, but the new interim CEO is her old supervisor, so...) and, surprise, she's still unhappy. It's starting to impact others, and sabotaging our team's ability to move forward. She's technically good at her job, which makes this more challenging.
📣 Anissa Burnett, CPO at Rivia Mind:
I'm not sure if this is going to be helpful but I think there are some questions that need to be answered before making a recommendation. When the gap was rectified, did anyone check in with this employee to ask whether or not they felt like the adjustment appropriately addressed their issue? This would have been a good question to close that situation out. It sort of feels like perhaps the pay is not the underlying issue and it's possible it could be something else at play here. Has anyone since addressed with this person what sources of information they have that are making them feel correctly informed that they are still being underpaid? Maybe this is about rebuilding trust with this employee and just asking them if there's anything else other than pay that they'd like to address or discuss. Maybe they're just looking for some assurance. As far as it impacting others, you can share with this employee that they are free to discuss their own pay with others but there is a boundary around speculating with other people are paid. That can cause discomfort and create confusion and that's not okay. If they want to have that conversation, it should be done in private and should come directly to HR.
📣 Wendy Dobyns, Manager, HR Operations @ N/A:
Wow! There's a lot to unpack with that employee. There is part of me that want to say that her happiness is up to her- if she's not happy, she needs to move on. The unhappiness is clear that the company has done several things, and she still isn't happy. Personally I am not a huge fan of giving the employee 'everything' they want, because they just keep asking for more, until you are finally out of anything else to offer.
I would have a conversation with her about the misinformation she's spreading, and get to the root cause as to why, and if possible, have the conversation without the interim CEO because there is the perception or implication of favoritism. I would be clear and explain all of the reasonings behind the conversation and state that there really is nothing more that can be done.
If she is unhappy or continues on her path, then it is time to start an exit strategy. Implement a three strike rule, and have her continued behaviors be strike one. In my experience, most employees will leave before the 3rd strike hits. I feel like she needs to be told that her behavior cannot continue and will no longer be tolerated.
On a side note, and not much more helpful, some people will not be happy no matter what you do. She has to take accountability and responsibility for her happiness in her job either with this company, or at another one.
Safe Space members can join this discussion here. Not a member yet? Apply to join here.
✍🏾 In the context of DEI, how do you differentiate between supporting cultural inclusivity and potentially endorsing a specific religious belief in workplace settings? What guidelines or guardrails do you use?
Context: Private Global Company. Medical Manufacturing.
📣 Alex White, Regional Director HR at Washington Duke Inn & Golf Club:
Great question! There’s a meaningful difference between creating space for individual expression and institutionally endorsing a belief system, and that line matters.
The guardrail I’ve always relied on is this:
Inclusion means making room for people to be who they are — not asking the organization to adopt or promote any one belief.
A few principles that tend to work well in practice:
- Accommodation ≠ endorsement
Providing reasonable accommodations for religious or cultural practices (schedule flexibility, prayer space, dietary considerations, dress) supports inclusivity without signaling organizational alignment with those beliefs. - Neutral, consistent application
Whatever space or flexibility is offered should be available across beliefs and identities, not tied to one group or tradition. Consistency is what keeps inclusion from turning into favoritism. - Voluntary, not compulsory
Any cultural or religious observance should be opt-in. When participation becomes expected, it crosses from inclusion into pressure — which is where problems arise. - Focus on behaviors, not beliefs
Workplace standards should center on respect, safety, and collaboration. Beliefs are personal; behavior at work is what’s governed. - Clear language in policy and practice
Explicitly stating that the organization respects diverse beliefs while remaining neutral as an employer helps set expectations and reduces confusion.
At the end of the day, strong DEI work isn’t about elevating one identity over another — it’s about building an environment where people feel respected without the organization taking a position on what anyone should believe.
Getting that balance right protects both inclusion and trust.
📣 Margaret Spencer, General Manager at Unexpected Tours and Training:
My company does just this- we host culturally inclusive events without a religious association with it. This is a tricky question and one that we frequently run into with our customers at Unexpected Virtual Tours and Training.
For example, we had a customer reach out to us about building an Unexpected Virtual Tour to honor Diwali. We had worked with this client for many years and provided them with many successful events on heritage celebrations like Hispanic Heritage Month and Juneteenth, but, when we got to talking with them about Diwali, we raised a few red flags.
First, though many Americans think of Diwali as a secular holiday, it is a religious holiday celebrated only by Hindus in India, though approximately 20% of India's population and the Indian diaspora are not Hindu. Second, in India, today, there is a controversial Hindu national right-wing movement which argues that India is fundamentally a Hindu nation, so people who are non-Hindus may feel othered. Third, if the company celebrated Diwali, would they also want to provide events celebrating Ramadan, Hanukkah, and Christmas?
As we started talking through it, we suggested instead a more neutral "South Asian Experience" that embodied the larger Indian diaspora, with an emphasis on the larger food, cultural, and belief systems (including religion), rather than concentrating on a single religious holiday.
So, in general, when we talk with clients we try to raise a few questions to help create specific guardrails:
- Does this event or celebration create the potential for "othering?"
- Does this event provide inclusivity, when taken into the larger context?
- How essential is the religious belief to this particular experience?
For example, as we began talking with the customer, it became clear that their goal was to help South Asians feel included in the workplace and help those who were not South Asian learn more about South Asian culture, not necessarily one that celebrates Diwali itself.
📣 Tara Turk-Haynes, Founder/Consultant at Equity Activations:
Margaret Spencer Well am I glad you started asking some really important questions.The assumption that Diwali would be celebrated by the South Asians in your company might be offensive. One of the things I like to do is first understand the purpose of the inclusive events - for me I always lead with education - things you may not know that might be relevant for you to get to know the person you are working alongside or the client/customer you might interact with.
Connecting education to a company purpose rather than it being seemingly arbitrary allows for employees to understand your Why as a company. May is AAPI Month and that's a great time to do educational content on the Asian Diaspora if you can and include what Diwali is since it has gained so much popularity but many people don't know it's origins. I like to call leading with education curriculums The More You Know approach rather than cherry picking celebrations without their context. You also want to make it digestible and simple with resources from experts in those areas for further education.
Safe Space members can join this discussion here. Not a member yet? Apply to join here.
🚨 ON YOUR RADAR
🎧 We did everything “right” and somehow it still doesn’t feel right. Cassandra Babilya and I talk about why career ladders, stability, and old definitions of success aren’t cutting it anymore. Check it out on Spotify or Apple Podcasts!
💸 If you’ve been told to cut costs and care deeply about people at the same time (with zero context and even less patience), this month’s HR Therapy is for you! We’ll be having an honest convo about budget pressure, impossible trade-offs, and surviving the gray areas.
🚀 Tired of work feeling like constant damage control? On Feb 12th, Rippling is hosting Google's first Chief Evangelist to teach you how to think ahead instead of firefighting. Dr. Frederik Pferdt's 45-minute masterclass has the frameworks that worked at Google, NASA, and the United Nations!*
❤️ From ‘I Hate it Here’ to ‘I Love it Here’: Your Culture Transformation Roadmap. HR can influence culture change in any organization, and this course teaches you how. Join the Safe Space community to access it!
*This one is brought to you by one of my amazing brand partners
📝 RESOURCE OF THE WEEK
Each week I feature a resource I love from the Safe Space library that I believe would be relatable to this week's newsletter topic.
This week, a popular offboarding guide. Check it out HERE ⬇️
FRIDAY FUN
😵💫 brb need to spiral Copy anchor linkCopied
This is my least fave scenario!!!!
Can we just figure it out now???
PLEASE?!
That's all for this week! I hope you enjoyed! If you have any thoughts, please let me know. I'm allll ears.
Reminder: Today is FRIDAY. 🙏
